6-30-09

Dearest Lady Emma,

How farest thou? I trust thy affairs be set in order, and the span of thy undertakings proveth successful. Thou art greatly yearned after by the lot presently in thy former dwelling. Nary a day passeth sans withdrawl of memory or drollery to thee connected. Cheers to e'en more successes than in times past.

Salutations and highest regards,
Count H. Stephen Byrne IV

PS. I miss you most.

6-28-09

Dear Emma,

An older motto from Pringles is "once you pop, the fun don't stop." I have several problems with this motto.

A.) Bad Grammar - it should read, "once you pop, the fun doesn't stop." Where is the country headed? I'll tell you where: Bad Grammar Land. It's a real place.

B.) Presupposition - So if I open a can of Pringles, I'm automatically going to have this unending supply of fun? What if I'm feeling depressed? Fun certainly won't arise from eating a few potato chips.

C.) False Advertisement - This goes hand in hand with presupposition. Assume I am depressed, and I proceed to eat 3 cans of Pringles. I highly doubt the amount of fun I will be having both in being depressed and in eating approximately 100 chips.

Thus I submit an edited version of the new Pringles campaign motto: "Once you pop, fun may arrive, but don't expect it."

Love,
Stephen

6-26-09

Dear Emma,

Michael Jackson is dead. I am sad.

Love,
Stephen

PS. He had the heart of a champion.

6-25-09

Dear Emma,

Today I saw the B-52s at the Del Mar Fair. They were awesome, but there were a lot of moms there, and at times I felt somewhat uncomfortable because they decided to dance against me quite a bit, and not like they accidentally brushed up against me.

Love,
Stephen

6-22-09

Dear Emma,
I ran over a rabbit a few days ago. I went back to see if it was ok. The prognosis does not look good, but to be fair, he didn't look both ways before darting into my tires.

Love,
Stephen

6-19-09

Dear Emma,

POWER THIRST NOW COMES IN DOVES!

Love,
Stephen

6-15-09

Dear Emma,

I have decided to run for President of Junior High, and I have chosen you as my running mate. I know this seems difficult given your current locale, but I think it will help our foreign policy platform. Right now I'm working on bribing a ton of votes by handing out Blow Pops before TNL. All the other staff looked at me like I was some kind of moron, but we'll see whose laughing when the election rolls around. Am I right?

Love,
Stephen

6-10-09

Dear Emma,

I went to Guitar Center recently, and (after playing numerous guitars that I will never be able to afford), investigated the keyboard department. I found a sweet Casio that played this tune:



Awesome.

Love,
Stephen

6-8-09

La querida senorita Emma,

Como se va el Amsterdam? Es muy divertido? Es todo bueno alli? Espero que estes aprendiendo mucho sobre la gente y El Senor alli. Nunca olvidate: eres muy hermosa, fuerte, y una buena captura.

Te echo de menos,
Esteban

6-4-09

Dear Emma,

I used to think that Burger King and Dairy Queen were married, and they ruled over a kingdom of hamburgers and ice cream cones. Now I think that Dairy Queen would have left BK a long time ago with a lot of the King's money, assuming they didn't sign a prenup.

Love,
Stephen

6-2-09

Dear Emma,

This morning I threw an old head of cabbage out of my window. It struck a road sign and exploded. It was awesome!

Love,
Stephen

6-1-09

Dear Emma,

I was watching Animal Planet last night, and it was about whales. I learned that whales can produce over 100 gallons of milk a day.

Wow.

Love,
Stephen